Recently an on-line acquaintance sent me an invitation to join Zorpia, so – ever obliging – I clicked YES, and the deed was done; another social network: well – why not? I’m an accomplished Facebooker, a reluctant LINKED IN member (does anyone ever actually get any work via LinkedIn I wonder?) so Zorpia – pouf! This we can do. Until I discovered it’s prime purpose was a Dating Site.

Yes, well, no fine. I’ve joined Dating Agencies before, way back when, back in the misty past before electronic grabbed us by our digits, when cellphones didn’t exist – yes, readers, there was such a time,  hard to believe I know, but there was such a time. And I was three decades younger, and a good time was had by all. But now? In my senior years?  Hmm, I’m not so sure.

I’ve been deleting invitations and refusing to click on prospective beaux. A real old killjoy, that’s me.  But tonight it hit me like a runaway express train – I had the classic AHA Moment – I know what’s missing on Zorpia. Yup. The light bulb went on while I was watching one of my favourite movies  Addams Family Values. It’s a wild comedy  set in its own dark universe, containing two glorious, wonderful creatures, a stirring reminder of eternal love and volcanic passion. I’m speaking of Gomez and Morticia Addams, of course.

The American cartoonist Charles Addams created the macabre Addams Family in the pages of the New Yorker magazine, during the 1940s; and then some 40 years later two movies arrived, based on the cartoon characters: The Addams Family  followed by Addams FamilyValues.

 Anjelica Huston gives a bravura performance as the tall, mysterious, remote, stylishly gowned Morticia – she of the blood red talons, the smouldering glances, the dead white skin, the swishing fish-tail hems of her black, black gowns. Her consort is Gomez Addams (unkindly referred to somewhere along the line as ‘that over-heated Spaniard’ played by the actor Raul Julia with superb verve); he is the epitome of suavity, with his thin mustache, his brilliantined hair, his fancy waistcoats, his top hat, his cane (in reality its a swordstick : of course it is! What else would it be?) He’s elegance personified, but with a dangerous edge – fencing and knife throwing are but a few of his many talents. Whoever arranged the movie casting should have received an award – the casting is inspired.

Although Morticia and Gomez are married – with two homicidal, dark children, (Wednesday – the girl, and Pugsley – the boy) plus a new baby to prove it – they are still passionately in love with each other. Morticia has but to throw a languorous sideways glance at Gomez and huskily whisper “Mon cher” and Gomez  is inflamed with passion, covering her with kisses from her crimson fingertips up to her marble neck, and murmuring  seductively of painful delights to come – tonight, and forever! Amorous phrases, murmured in a foreign language – any foreign language – are as a match to a petrol bowser, so far as Gomez is concerned.

There’s a marvellous scene in Addams FamilyValues  where Gomez and Morticia perform a tango at a gypsy night-club. It’s the most dramatic, sensual tango I’ve ever seen – makes Strictly Come Dancing look like the Teddy Bears’ Picnic . At one point Gomez whirls Morticia around so fast that she spins away down the dance floor, her fishtail hem and the dance-floor catching fire from the exploding passion and music as she spins – it’s sensational!

Now that’s what I’m missing on Zorpia – the romance, the passion. If there’s a suave gentleman on Zorpia who relates to Morticia and Gomez’ fiery romance, and he can tango – well! What can I say? I’ll be squeezing into my slinky black sequins and dusting off my black dancing shoes ….. can’t wait!










  1. Oh Alison I loved your article! Having a good giggle!


    • Well – maybe I will manage to introduce others to the grim delights of the Addams family. I particularly enjoy Christina Ricci’s deadpan treatment of the daughter, aptly named Wednesday. As you will recall, from the old rhyme : “Wednesday’s child is full of woe ..” So true!


  2. Eileen Turner

    I enjoyed this, Alison. I also joined Zorpia – perhaps it was you who drew it to my attention – but have never used it. Facebook is enough for me, and, often TOO much! Eileen


    • Tell me about it – a tidal wave of would-be admirers – from all parts of the globe. I’ve tried to un-subscribe, but to no avail. Heigh-ho. But there’s that useful item and its called a Delete Button. Works well!


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