Category Archives: HUMOUR

UNEXPECTED LOCKDOWN DILEMMAS


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A caller to our local radio station, Cape Talk, phoned for help.
She reported that her tin opener had broken, just as she was about to open a tin of beans. What to do? She’d stocked up on tinned goods. The family were waiting impatiently for supper.

 
So she rushed to her nearby supermarket to buy a new tin opener but discovered the kitchen gadget section was red taped off. She argued valiantly with the floor manager that a replacement tin opener was an Essential Item, and therefore permissible. But he wasn’t having it, and chased her away.

 
She returned home, frustrated. Now what? Aha! Cape Talk listeners always provided the answer to everything. So she phoned in. Sure enough, within seconds of having her plight broadcast, a brisk lady was telling her to use her Swiss Army knife. Not quite adding: pull yourself together woman! But her tone said it all.

 
Of course! Everybody has a Swiss Army knife, or a rip-off version, in their house – don’t they?

 
In case of desperate times, makes sure you have a Swiss Army Knife available. It has more gadgets concealed in its chunky metallic innards than you ever dreamed of. Plus, and this is the really good one, it has a thingy which extracts stones from horses’ hooves. What more you could possibly want?

 
The moral of the story is: always hide a back-up tin-opener and a box of matches in the back of the kitchen drawer. Would you believe I once worked for the Boy Scouts of South Africa? Always be Prepared was the old motto. Not a bad idea.

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WOMAN v.s BLACK PLASTIC RUBBISH BAG


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I am overwhelmed by the pandemic, I just need a little light relief. So that’s why I’m posting this piece today, written earlier in the year. Trivia, and inconsequential in the greater scheme of things, but … we all need a break.

These damn bags defeat me every time.
Despite the fact that I have opposable thumbs, a 1400 gram brain sitting inside my skull, and belong to the species that has travelled to outer space, removing a fresh black, plastic bag from the roll of new bags, and unfolding it to put into the kitchen rubbish bin always turns into ten minutes of sweaty frustration and bad language.

 
For openers, tearing the bag off the continuous roll is a challenge. Yes: there are perforations which – theoretically – tear along the dotted line and liberate one black bag. Except the perforations often don’t cooperate, causing me to hunt for scissors, snip it off, and (usually) succeed in creating an unwanted hole in a brand new bag. Sigh. Let’s try again. Maybe Bag #2 will permit me to remove it from its parent roll.
Okay. So now I have one creased new black bag in my hand. But now to unfold it. Umm. Where do I start? The folding pattern would baffle an Origami Master. The folding mechanism in the plastic bag factory must have been designed by goblins or aliens. Take your pick. Finally I persuade the folds to unfold, and voila, a new bag ready for the bin.

 
Except there’s one final test. You’ve all been baffled by this one, I’m sure. How to persuade the bag to open? Pull, tug, shake, rub, do what you will, you cannot get the two layers of plastic to part. But there’s a secret. And I will share it: lick your thumb and forefinger, and now rub the top join, where the bag should open. It just might! Success, at last!

 
Another precious ten minutes sliced away by time, into the garbage bin of my life, which I begrudge. I could have been occupied with something pleasant like reading a book, or something useful, like sorting out my latest credit card bill, but no: ten minutes wasted in Round # 493 in the uneven contest of Woman v.s. Garbage Bags. And don’t ask who won. Grrrhhh!!

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MY FAVOURITES at Investec 2020 https://www.investeccapetownartfair.co.za/


This year, the textured items and the very colourful items were top of my list.

When it comes to colour, who could resist this vibrant display put up by Kwa Zulu Natal artists. The juxtaposition of the hot curry reds, oranges and yellows offset by the contrasting tropical greens and sky blues, screamed DURBAN at me. For northern hemisphere readers, Durban has a huge Indian population and is renowned for being Curry Central!

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And how about this Marion Arnold wool tapestry, Untitled, 265 x 377 cm, Rich colours somewhat reminiscent of a Pierneef landscape .

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And I would be remiss if I didn’t include this stunning display of traditional artist EstherMahlangu’s traditional Ndebele art work. Would you believe she uses a chicken feather as a brush?  My pic is a poor one, because so many viewers were constantly blocking my shot, but it’s the best I managed to get. Take a moment to follow the link: what a fascinating story.

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I enjoyed the next  work : textile wrapped fighting sticks and spears – I don’t know the title or artist, but I enjoyed the colours and textures

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Then I found this bold orange and yellow and black work, which ticked the colours & textures boxes very neatly. It was executed in leather and, I think, fabric; I was so enchanted by the colours and shapes, I forgot to take a pic of the signage It had a sort of snakes-and-ladders feel to it.

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TEXTURE
A charming crocheted gecko caught my eye. I don’t want it on a wall in my house, but I thought it was fun.

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Appearances can be very deceiving. I thought the next exhibit  was a woven fibre work, but not so. Paper beads, mounted on bark cloth. What a surprise! Usage of very Africa materials.
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I enjoyed this set of 8 pictures, executed by a woman from West Africa, using natural fibres and seeds to create the textured effects.

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Artists come up with the most innovative ideas. Here’s a work, executed on graph paper, in crossstitch. The shadowy images in the work caught my eye.

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I’ve saved the best until last. Just look at the texture in this work. It had a lush, rich texture, akin to velvet turned into shag carpeting. I was fascinated. When I drew closer to the work I was stunned to discover it was composed of … wait for it … “toothpicks in polyeurethane sealant in pine wood frames” by Chris Soal. Talk about appearances being deceptive!
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Watch this space: more pix in a day or two. We’re not done yet – it was a big exhibition!

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Filed under Art, EXHIBITIONS, EXPLORING CAPE TOWN, HUMOUR

THE ANNUAL INVESTEC CAPE TOWN ART FAIR – February 2020


This weekend I visited the Investec Art Fair  – my annual treat. I wouldn’t miss it for the world!

What a feast of art across a wide spectrum: photography, painting, sculpture, ceramics, weaving, prints, art books and more besides. Obviously the theme is African Art, but artists from the diaspora and Europe were also on show. It really is an international exhibition. This year one of the themes was to exhibit emerging artists, not only from Africa, but, including artists from the Middle East, North America and Europe. So here are my photos of some of the works that  blew me away and that I enjoyed. I’m splitting the pics into separate sections , which I’ll post at intervals, otherwise its too much to take in and appreciate.
So: at the Investec (the sponsors stand) I found this multi-media statement :

 

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And an installation, which – for once – I enjoyed. I’m not a fan of installations.

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I don’t think I would be tempted to try sitting on this sofa, it looks both flimsy and uncomfortable, but if the sign were not there, trust me, some idiot would be lowering their rear end on to the item!

 

You know you’re at an African art exhibition when you see this:
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That ubiquitous football. Africans love football!

Another ubiquitous feature of the African landscape: goats. Although I have mixed feelings about this artwork. The human figure with goat hooves left me with an uneasy feeling.

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Another Art Fair post will follow in a day or two. I hope you’ve enjoyed what you’ve seen thus far. The show was big, and I only photographed items which appealed to me, so my pics are a very individual view.

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Filed under Art, EXHIBITIONS, EXPLORING CAPE TOWN, HUMOUR

NEW YEAR EXPERIMENT #1


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One of my sort-of-rezzes that are not actually resolutions, you understand, just vague plans, misty promises, wavering pledges, is to tackle unfinished projects and finish them. I’m a brilliant starter, filled with energy, enthusiasm and vuma*, but as a finisher – not in the same league. We won’t even mention the outstanding 30+ year tapestry hanging in my cupboard, about half done. In my defense, it’s a very long tapestry. But I’m rambling.

 

So I haul out the brand new waffle iron, that’s been languishing at the back of a kitchen cupboard for over a year. I adore waffles, and the waffle irons were on sale. Fantastic price. What more can I say?

 

I dusted off the gleaming red appliance, dug up a recipe and looked forward to waffles for supper.

 

The results, I have to say, were not good. The iron works well on the one side, but unevenly on the other. Sort of toasty brown on the right, and patchily brown on the left. The texture, I am sorry to report, was akin to a soggy doormat … nowhere near to the light, airy, crisp golden waffles I was hoping for.

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Clearly I need a lot more practice. And possibly another recipe. Any offers?

  • vuma – energy, get up & go

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Filed under FOOD, HUMOUR

JANUARY BELT TIGHTENING


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This is the month when we’re tightening our belts, usually financially; but also at  the other end of the spectrum we’re slackening our belts ,and wondering why did we eat  yet another slice of Christmas cake? Because its delicious, that’s why! But of course, those extra kgs come to roost, generally around our mid-sections.

So I offer a few thrifty tips, none of them exercise or gym related.

On the topic of food, there’s  the idea of Meatless Mondays,  don’t explain, apologise, or introduce  it to the family, just do it.  When they moan, ask if they would like Christmas gifts in December 2020 ? because this is the first step toward that target.

Obviously fast food deliveries to your door is a no-no.  And a blanket ban on fast food at any location, for that matter. Its expensive, and  unhealthy, as  we all know, don’t we? Not to mention soggy and lukewarm. Yuck.

Lastly  here’s the cracker: Do not go to the January sales. Unless you have a specific object in mind, and have been saving up all year for that  big purchase e.g. a new fridge or a TV.  Sale buys are often disappointing or rash, once reviewed soberly at home, away from the frantic grab and run of sales. And you will have spent more money you don’t actually possess. See the agitated smoke rising from your credit card? I rest my case.

Happy January!

 

 

 

 

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CHRISTMAS IN KWAZULU NATAL


When I leave King Shaka airport, there’s no question that I’ve arrived In Kwa-Zulu Natal. I’m still trying to get my head around the combo of Zulu dolls next to reindeer, but ’tis the Season of Goodwill, so this is no time to niggle.

 

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As is normal in December,  the Summerveld area is either shrouded in mist, chilly and drizzly or else blazingly, tropically hot. I can’t say I enjoy the Mist Belt climate. Sunny, windy Cape Town suits me better!

 

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The family wear silly Christmas hats, festive cheer abounds, and a good time is had by all.

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The cherry on top of my Christmas visit was having the resident cat cosily curled on my pillow. Such a  relaxing pic!

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I hope your Christmas was equally relaxing and /or wildly festive, whichever is your   preference.

And now its almost time to say: HAPPY NEW YEAR!  May 2020 be a peaceful and happy year.

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Filed under CATS, HUMOUR, TRAVEL

DECEMBER 2019 : YEAR’S END IN CAPE TOWN


 

YIMG_20191214_131600_resized_20191214_031806280 (002)You may have noticed the absence of November’s Cape Town Round-up. Blame it on year-end fatigue. It’s been a difficult year in Cape Town and I’m not up for more reporting on our catalogue of on-going woes.

 
Long ago in Rhodesia, the farmers (who were never happy with the weather, the crops and the Government) used to sigh and say: Next year will be better. I sincerely hope so!

 
‘Tis the season to be jolly , proclaims the old song, so in that spirit, let me wish all my readers a warm and happy Christmas with family and friends, followed by a peaceful and healthy New Year.

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A RE-POST FROM JULY 2017: SLOW BLOGGING


*JAP:  SLOW BLOGGING

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Today I discovered a new literary blog  on WordPress – dolcebellezza  thanks to the industrious blogger on bookertalk.wordpress.com  who is a marvellous source of info on literary topics.  Anyway, when I was reading the About  section on dolcebellezza,  she made an interesting remark on the topic of Slow Blogging, saying that having reached her 10th Blogging Anniversary (I’m impressed) she’s come to realise the  satisfaction of Slow Blogging. The capitalisation is mine, not hers. In essence it’s about  no longer being driven, or feeling you have to blog daily – or weekly – or instantly – whatever crazy targets you have set for yourself. Instead you blog whenever you have the inclination  and take time to enjoy the process. Kind of like the  Slow Food movement  I suppose? Things that take a long time to cook, whether prose or pumpkin, generally taste much nicer when you get to savour that deep flavour.

Theoretically I have a target of one blog per week, for each of my two blogs * but it doesn’t always turn out that way. Does it matter? Hell no. I blog because I enjoy it, so  less of the whip and treadmill technique can only be good news.

*(Just a Paragraph:  when I’m short of time and/or inspiration, I keep my blog ticking over with ‘just a paragraph’: random thoughts, reflections, comments, ideas … little snippets)

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JOLLY HOLLY TO ALL


 

 

IMG_20191111_090310_resized_20191111_053834643 (002)I was hunting in my desk for my address book, because I need to send out three Christmas cards – yes, readers, those antique objects : Christmas cards. Remember them? The glitter? The snowy scenes, the holly, the robins. All wildly inappropriate seeing my Christmases are hot, sunny and dry, but never mind, tradition is tradition!
Inside my address book I found old lists dating back to 2004, listing the names of people who annually received cards from me in December. Some of the names mean nothing to me now, pen friends of yore I suspect; some folk have died, others have moved out of my life. Every year I receive fewer and fewer cards but I stick them up and enjoy the green and red cheer.

 
Many cards only arrive at the end of January and sometimes February or March, due to the vagaries of our postal service. So I tuck them away for the year ahead and enjoy them a year later. And why not? In these difficult times, we need all the good cheer we can get! Don’t you agree?

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